The Best Ten Things Ever To Be Recycled, Remade, Repeated, Or Basically Beaten Into The Ground.

I can’t help but notice how dark some of my stuff is lately. It’s definitely time for a fun little top ten list. Here’s some stuff I love that has somehow made it’s way back around:

10. The King Kong Movie. If you have EVER read anything I’ve ever written, I pretty much always find a way to mention King Kong. It’s the first scary movie I ever saw, when I was like, 4 years old, with my dad. And Fay Wray’s name was Ann. Not a common “bombshell” name. The first King Kong is a classic, the second one was just plain silly (although Jessica Lange could not be more gorgeous), and the third one – well, AMAZE-BALLS. Set in 1933, the costumes are unbelievable, the art direction is stunning, and Naomi Watts is the most beautiful femme fatale you could ever see, especially in a dirty, flimsy little nighty (that’s right, boys) . And that big lovesick monkey reminds me of my dog. It just never gets old seeing him climb up the side of The Empire State Building and watching him swat at the planes. Jack Black, by the way, gets to deliver the best line in cinema: “It was beauty killed the beast.”

9. The Chloe Rhinestone Heart Sunglasses. I don’t know who made these in the 70’s, but they are HOT. They made a comeback in the early 2000’s, and I don’t care if they’re “sooo ten years ago”, I’m probably going to go straight to ebay and order them before I’m done writing this blog. I had ’em (then I lost ’em), and they made me feel like Jill Monroe (Google her – and smile).

8. TAB Soda. People ask me all the time “Oh my God, is that TAB?” Um, yes, and the sell it at Ralph’s and pretty much every other supermarket. And it’s delicious! What can I say? I know what you could say: Saccharin = Cancer. Don’t worry, it was just a rumor.

7.  Tony Clifton. I’m laughing (and cringing) inside just thinking about him. You’ll know what I mean if you remember this over-weight, over-loud “entertainer”. To put things on his level, he never would have made it on The Gong Show; Jaye P Morgan would have gonged his ass inside of a minute (to make room for The Unknown Comic, no doubt). I met him a few weeks ago when he was performing in Hollywood. Exactly who was behind all the heavy make-up and polyester I’ll never know. He was crass. He actually made me nervous.

6. The Paramore version of Kings Of Leon’s Use Somebody. I can’t listen to this enough. Buy it, steal it, do something. When my boyfriend gave me a guitar for my birthday this year, it’s one of the first songs I learned to play (if you can call it playing). Hayley Williams: She’s raspy, and Indy, and beautiful, and I wanna be just like her on my gee-tar.

5. The Office. Best show ever. I’ve heard it said: “…If you say you don’t know a Michael Scott, you probably are a Michael Scott.” So true. He’s annoying, and immature, and a people-pleaser, but at the end of the day, he has a heart of gold. And that’s why everyone at Dunder-Mifflin has his back, even though he ran off with Holly. Take THAT Jan! By the way, I can’t watch the British version. They mumble. Love Ricky Gervais though.

4. Door Beads. Yeah, I know it’s hippie-ish and girly, which is why my boyfriend won’t let me put them up in our house. (And the ones I had are kind of pink.) I had to give mine away to my best friend and now I’m completely jealous. What’s wrong with the house looking like Janis Joplin on the cover of her Pearl album? I think they’re precious. And people always say, “Ohhhh, you have beads!” Yup, I love ’em.

3. Let Me Use This One For What I Don’t Like: MOVIE REMAKES OF CLASSIC SLASHER/HORROR FLICKS. Can you tell how I really feel? I’m not talking about ones like The Thing or The Hills Have Eyes. They can do what they want with those. It’s about the scary movies we’ve all seen a million times: Friday The 13th. When A Stranger Calls. A Nightmare On Elm Street. Psycho. What is wrong with you Gus Van Sant? You remade it scene-for-scene. There are the innovative Japanese thrillers: The Ring. The Grudge. These are actually pretty good, but the originals are genius. Watch Audition. Japanese horror is truly frightening. Now they’re remaking The Birds – I’m sorry, Alfred Hitchcock. They even had the nerve to do The Last House On The Left and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, two of the most groundbreaking scary movies ever. STOP IT ALREADY! What’s next, The Exorcist? EXCEPTION: Rob Zombie’s Halloween. He calls it a “re-imagining” of the original. I dig it.

2. Bell-Bottoms. …And halter tops, tube tops, long dresses, macrame, the jumpsuit, Chemin-de-Fers, fringe, hoop earrings, corkies, blue eyeshadow, feathered hair, guys with long hair, guys with skateboards, Glam Rock, Neil Diamond, and rainbow bumper stickers.

1. Rock N’ Roll. Where has it been since the 70’s? I don’t know if it’s made a comeback or if it even belongs on this list. When did everything become so synthesized and inorganic? I miss actual music, played on real instruments. Clapton. Zeppelin. The Who. Fleetwood Mac. Heart. All straight out of the post-hippie, feel good 60’s folk era. Straight-up ROCK. And LOUD. How many live albums came out of the 70’s compared to now? Umm, there’s like, none nowadays, because they don’t play live or sing live. Whatever. I remember when Frampton Comes Alive sold like a billion copies. I swear, computers are ruining the world.

I’m quite sure I’ll think of more soon. Look for Part Two, the “bad” version.

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Anne Clendening ♥

Anne Clendening is an L.A. chick, born and raised. She is a writer of creative nonfiction and other sordid tales of life, love and other L.A. adventures.

3 thoughts on “The Best Ten Things Ever To Be Recycled, Remade, Repeated, Or Basically Beaten Into The Ground.”

  1. Love it, and Tab doesn’t have saccharine in it anymore, which is good, cuz I love that too. The Chloe sunglasses are hot. They make me feel like Kelly Garrett (google her, you’ll smile). Your King gong is my Jaws, although it was so realistic to me I still can’t swim in the ocean, or pools at night. thanks to you I now know who Tony Clifton is. Never seen the Office, never will. Gia had door beads and we loved them until the cat pulled them all down. Agree with you on movie remakes. #2, did you write that about me?..just sayin’…And Rock and Roll, REAL Rock and Roll?? They stopped making it after 1979 because it had just gotten as good as it ever was going to get. And that is why my iPod is full of classic rock, because it is the best. Ok…back to work.

    1. Oh, I don’t have to Google Kelly Garrett… And Oh My God you are SO HER!! Glad you agree about the rock, you bell-bottomed Neil Young loving 70’s girl. <3

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