Seriously, What the Hell is Happening Here?

You guys are pissing me off.

So you read my piece on elephantjournal.com, Why Men Are So Dastardly Fetching. I don’t know when men turned into such emotional little bitches, but I have a feeling it has to do with being brainwashed by some of the obnoxious feminists and the deafening voice of the equal rights movement. And now you’re scared of us.

Guys, take it easy. No woman is going to bite your head off for opening their door. Are you that afraid we’re going to go all Thelma and Louise on you?

I know, you’re in a complete tizzy over this. You can’t wait to comment. You think I have no fucking idea what I’m talking about and your balls are collapsing in on themselves as a result of the vibration of the roaring death-rattle for equality. But, before you crucify me and my “sexist claptrap,” think about it:

1. Men, we love you and your manliness. Why this is so shockingly horrible to hear, I’ll never know.

2. There’s nothing wrong with treating a a woman well. Dogs and cats will never be equal creatures. They should act accordingly.

3. It’s just words. Cool it. You’re making yourselves look bad. I bet you roll your eyes at the price of a $4.00 matinee. NOT sexy.

Now, as far as the “retrograde gender enforcement” is concerned, you’d think I wanted to eliminate the right for women to vote, or wanted to overturn Roe vs Wade. Get fucking control of your wits and ask yourself: Why are you so angry that women like their men to be men? Does it invalidate the time and money you’ve spent on moisturizer and mani/pedis? Is it because you’ve worked so hard to go against your instincts, that now you’re pissed you’re being told it’s OK after all to go play poker with the guys and smoke cigars?  If your woman doesn’t understand this, I don’t know what to say. You might as well stay home on a Saturday night and have a marathon of Keeping up With the Kardashians.

I know, you’re just so confused and befuddled, you poor males…

And yet, so many of you went straight to anger and insults, all because I said it’s sweet that Joe DiMaggo sent flowers to Marilyn Monroe’s grave for 20 years after her death.

One reader said he thinks I want to go back to the 1950s because I can’t take the responsibility we women have created for ourselves. Well, Sir, maybe it’s YOU that doesn’t want to work that hard. Are you not strong enough to open that car door for a woman? Are you too broke to afford flowers? Are you a lazy, ignorant type of guy who can’t be bothered with all this nonsense?

Get over yourselves. There’s nothing less manly than a man acting like a fucking infant. Go rent some Steve McQueen movies and figure it out.

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Anne Clendening ♥

Anne Clendening is an L.A. chick, born and raised. She is a writer of creative nonfiction and other sordid tales of life, love and other L.A. adventures.

13 thoughts on “Seriously, What the Hell is Happening Here?”

  1. Annie –
    I’m thinking I’m a couple decades older than you and can admit that when the real world gender roles manifest, there is sometimes some cause for confusion. How about when a female seems annoyed that I hold the door for them? (I mean, what is up with that?!) I guess that it isn’t so surprising then that some men express some outrage at some double standard they perceive/imagine in your article.
    But, like John suggested in his comment, we all evolve at different speeds, and confusion, and anger, and outrage sometime precedes understanding. I dig your impassioned response to those just leaving the Jurassic era; just don’t let the bastards get you down.
    Just so you know, any article of yours I see listed on Elephant is the first I read. I love your spirit, your spark, your sass and your honesty. And, dear lady, your writing just keeps getting better and better.
    You’re the best, Annie. Don’t change a thing.
    Jeff

  2. Ha! I adore your writing — at least, the several pieces I’ve read on Elephant Journal, and now here, anyway.

    As a yoga practitioner, writer, father, & *feeling-and-Yin-balanced male,* (and generally decent human being I like to pretend) I cannot stress just how much I despise male chauvinism.

    It would nearly make me ill if it weren’t for the fact that I’m so damned grounded, balanced, and impervious to external bullshit. Ha ha; okay, maybe some day!

    Having said that, however, it is equally wonderful and affirming to have a natural sense of masculinity validated by someone whom it would appear is both intelligent & self aware. Yogis, Yoginis, Artists, and meditatively-inclined folks seem to be the minority of human beings able to straddle this midline, this general Balance — in any aspect of Life.

    Why shouldn’t healthy gender-maturity be yet one more of these elusive-to-your-average-person qualities? Particularly in a society with penchants for ignorance, self-deception, and sexual repression dating back to the Dark Ages and beyond?

    Keep on: Truth and a subtle degree of inner-awareness-devastation need not be separate fields & functions. Just cuz it stangs don’t necessarily make it a bad thang ;-)

    ~ Drop the mic.

    1. Right on, John (my favorite name- my brother’s name). What a great comment. Honestly, I didn’t mean to start such a shit storm! I’m a mellow California girl, really… thanks for reading, I appreciate it whenever someone has something nice to say, and sometimes when it’s not that nice, I guess! :-)

  3. I’m a pretty damned manly man if I do say so myself. Not really concerned with showing a softer side as well, like making a nice meal, planting some flowers, decorating the house, etc. What’s all the bitching about? Fuck em if they can’t take it, baby. I love you and love your writing, and I’ve got your back no matter what.

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