People are so annoying. And awfully bitchy. What the hell made you all such arrogant assholes?
The other day I walked in to teach a yoga class. As usual, I asked if anyone in the room was new. One guy actually rolled his eyes at me, like it was 7th grade and I told him to stop texting. Um, grow up, and just so you know, this class just got about eight times harder because of your cute little gesture. Try and keep up, fun boy.
What was wrong, I’ll never know. I’m from a place where the sun shines all year ’round and people put hair dye on their dogs. Silliness is one thing, but attitude in a yoga class? Really? Is this an L.A. thing? I may not be Buddha on the mountaintop, but in case you didn’t know, we’re supposed to be kind to each other, not catty freaks.
I wrote a piece for elephant journal not long ago called The Lowdown on Happiness: A Manifesto from a Non-Lunatic. In case you don’t want to go to the trouble of clicking on this link, I’ll just tell you… It’s about being a decent person. If you already consider yourself the kind of person who would donate a kidney for a stranger who might need it, don’t worry, I’m not talking about you. If you’re running around town making bank tellers and Starbucks baristas miserable because you’re so fucking important and negative and self-absorbed, you might want to cut it out. People are talking behind your back about you, just so you know, because you suck and it all makes you ugly.
My friend Amy told me yesterday a guy told her she wasn’t “physically fit” enough for him. He meant well (according to him). Not cool. You don’t have to bomb a major American city to ruin someone’s day.
Here’s my theory: this guy either a) used to be fat, b) needs to get laid, c) has major mommy issues from being weaned from the teat too early in life. Fuck you, Norman Bates, for making my beautiful friend feel bad, and I hope you get herpes.
Let me quote myself:
Being A Decent Person Is Important. Don’t walk around being a shithead to people. William Shakespeare: “Lillies that fester smell far worse than weeds.” Think about that, bitchy girls. Be sweet. Everyone deserves dignity, so stop judging the homeless guy asking for change on the freeway off ramp. He’s your brother in this life.
I may be kind of ditsy, and I’ve had my bitchy moments. But I cry every time I watch The Empire Strikes Back. I have an uncountable amount of tattoos, but none of them are on my throat. I teach yoga to people who stare at me sometimes like puke is coming out of my mouth while I’m talking. I try to smile at people. It’s so much sweeter.
My friend Jade called me after work one day about a girl named Sarah she works with. I don’t know what was wrong, but I hope she got over herself.